Taking Back the Control - Discredit the Myths

I am a Type A person. I do not like to get behind on my work, and I will often take on more than I probably can handle. Okay, so not probably ...definitely cannot handle without rearranging my life. I hate when things are out of my control. I will have anxiety attacks and become irritable. I do not have the ability to see things clearly, and I feel everything is a personal attack. I am sure that many others have felt this way as well. I have felt that I was personally attacked over the last year, and I hate it. I hate my gut questioning every look, every question, every whisper. I got an email letting me know about a free webinar that was going to take place this week. Even better is the fact that the videos are available after the call so I can watch them at my leisure. Watching the Mom Is In Control Telesummit, I had my ah ha moment. 

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I have been letting others make me feel inferior because I lacked the knowledge of how to take control of my life. Last night I spent reflecting on decisions I had made based on reactions instead of conscious decisions. I realized that I needed to take the power and control back. The only way to do that is through dispelling the myths that I had come to believe.

1. Pictures are Misleading - You see pictures in magazines, on the Internet, or scrolled in television commercials. They show children that love on each other and the house looks spotless. The parents give some line about this program that they have used, and it has created bliss. Do NOT buy it. I am not saying that they do not have a MORE blissful life now (cause I do) or that their children do not love each other (cause mine do). I am also not claiming that homes are not spotless (cause mine is now AFTER the children go to bed), but I am saying that you should not believe it happens around the clock. Kids will be defiant. They will yell at you and yell at their siblings. They will trash the house and make you cry.

Just because there are pictures you see show blissfully sleeping children, pristine homes, great relationships ... it does not mean it is always that way. It also does not mean it was that way minutes before the photograph was taken.

2. Breaks in Routine Cause Bad Chaos - Routines are great. They really are. However, spontaneity does not always cause bad chaos. Shaking up a routine every now and then is a great way to reconnect with your children. It is also a cheap way to reward them. Let them stay up an extra 30 minutes out of the blue. When they ask why, you can simply let them know because they have just really impressed you lately. Have a picnic on your living room floor instead of at the kitchen table. The options are limitless. I do understand that there are children who do not fair well with change (I have one), but I can tell you that every once in a while, even that child loves a shake-up.

3. Peaceful Road Trips are Possible - You will find that no matter how much you plan, you will not always have a great road trip. Accept it, get comfortable with the notion, and then do the best you can to plan for any possible meltdowns. The key to long car rides is your ability to adapt. Having snacks, games, coloring sheets, and plenty of breaks is the best way. Where many families go wrong, is they assume the faster they get to the destination, the better. With children, this is not the case. Take your time, allow your child to decompress every now and then. Planning for the discomfort of road trips will make the trip more peaceful.

4. Stay-at-home Moms Should Have Spotless Homes - This is the DUMBEST thing that has EVER been said. I joke because I will let my kids make crafts so that I have the ability to clean up the mess they made in the living room. They are almost 3 and 1, so they don't fully understand putting everything back away, but they try. I will have trails of Cheerios and bread crumbs. After letting them do crafts, I have to clean the table. After letting them play in their room, I have to help them put everything back. I have not even touched the dishes, bathrooms, windows (that have little finger prints on them), and so on. Most of that is all done after they go to bed. So when someone visits me during the day, they get to experience life with the little ones, and I am okay with that. Just because I stay at home, I do not put my child in a playpen with a couple rattling toys and keep my home pristine. Just because I work from home, does not mean that I will send my child to a daycare so that I can have my house in a spotless condition. I work from home so I can spend time with my children. (I know, kind of a DUH thought there).

5. Ages and Stages - Do not let ANYONE tell you that your child will be awful just because they are 2. Your child is exploring boundaries. By allowing that in a safe manner, you will prevent the meltdowns. My 2 year old has very few meltdowns. She is a very active child and into a lot of stuff. She is very mouthy (needs to chew, lick, suck on everything), and she loves to stand on things. We give her things that are okay for that. She has a need to touch bumpy things. We give her shirts that allow her to play with her belly button and let her have sensory books. Just because someone else says something about children at specific ages or stages, it does not make it true. Just as the statement your child will always be sick in public school is not true. My children do not come home sick very often. Take care of your health and perception, and then you will see a change in your reality.

Take control of your life. This is my personal growth. The ability to change my perception and not let anyone make me feel a certain way. It is going to be a long process, but this is step one.